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3/15/2006 Music...makes my heart sing!
1. Fave Song Impossible to pick just one. I love so many different songs for different reasons, at different times. Too many talented artists and wonderful lyricists to narrow it done to one...at least for me Having said that... Picture by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crowe Forgive by Rebecca Lynn Howard It's A Great Day by Travis Tritt Rock You Baby by Toby Keith Comes A Time by Neil Young How Could This Happen To Me by Simple Plan Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan
2.Fave Band/Artist Travis Tritt, Toby Keith Simple Plan Carolyn Dawn Johnson, Jo Dee Messina Country, but I also love Alternative, Rock
You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This by Toby Keith Angel by Sarah McLaughlin; Spirit in the Sky; Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton 6. As Above Using WEDDING, or if you're married, which song u had that special FIRST dance too. Don't get me started on wedding songs, lol. My wedding song, way back when was...are you ready for this...you're gonna crack up laughing... Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad by Meatloaf! (We were both young kids trying to act grown-up and definately not ready for marriage or commitment of any kind.) As for a new wedding song...don't know. Not hapenning in my life so I don't think about it
Oh my God, how morbid is that??? LOL. I know my funeral songs but haven't even considered any wedding songs! Oh well...death is inevitable, marriage is not!
Ob la di Ob la da (Beatles).
Food...My Dream Dinner Well, I'm taking the lazy way out and just showing you some mouth-watering absolutely delicious items that make up my "Oh my God , I love you!" menu. This menu has never been actually prepared yet but I came up with it in one of many bizarre moments of keeping my mind occupied(!) and decided that this is the menu I would want to create if I ever need a really special dinner for that someone special .
 First course:
 Shrimp Cocktail
Second course:
 Lobster Potato Salad
Third course:
 Salmon
Fourth course:
 Fantasy Cheesecake
Top it all off with a rich, creamy French Vanilla Cappacino.
Can you tell I love seafood, fish and decadent desserts!
Okay so it's a fantasy meal! But you have to have the fantasy before you can have the reality. Now I just need that special occasion with the man I'd love to share it with.
3/13/2006 Gratitude
Love is the way I walk in Gratitude
My gratitude permits my love to be accepted without fear.
My Gratitude Journal
I bought a weekly planning calendar, picking one with only five lines per day, because I thought the limiting structure would help me stick with it. It's a plain looking journal, but, as with most things in life, it's not important how it looks on the outside -- it's what's inside that is what's important. Sometimes it's about something good that happened to someone I care about, and many times it's something I've accomplished myself.
3/11/2006 10 Years Ago ...10 Year AheadTen years ago, where did you think you would be now?
10 years ago I thought I would have been a lot further ahead of where I am now. I thought I would have had long-standing friendships that were'nt broken apart by my selfishness. I thought I would have financial independence in a career and business that I loved doing and was good at and I thought I would never again have to feel the terror of coming out of a blackout and not knowing what I had done or who I had hurt the night before.
And it all would have been true if I would have stayed sober and clean. If I had not given up, turned my back on 20 years of sobriety, quit what was right and enter into the darkest period of my life 6 years ago. I turned my back on everything that was positive and powerful in my life and I gave up on everthing. Literally.
I became so self-absorbed and so self-destructive that I had no room in my heart for the blessings in my life and no gratitude to show love and concern to anybody or anything. As a result of this morass of self will run riot I lost the love of my oldest son, the respect of my mother and youngest son and so many wonderful friends, along with a good successful home based career, strong community involvement and most importantly of all my feeling of oneness with God, my creator.
I went to the depths of hell but only because I took myself there. I forgot to be grateful and thankful for everthing. Instead I became angry and intolerant and hated life and what I thought were all the problems associated with living and being responsible. I forgot to be happy and so I became sad and sick. And when I wanted to get better and change the hell I had created I found out I could not/ did not have the strength to change anything.
3 years ago I admitted utter defeat and through submission of self and admittance that without God I am nothing and that without the support and fellowship and family and friendships I am destined to despair and lonliness and an existence of intolerable grief, I started to piece together a new life that will try and honor my God, my family and my friends with joy and thankfulness for each day I'm alive
Where do you think you will be ten years from now? 10 years from now I want to be able to continue to be loving and kind and dedicated to all the people that God sees fit to bless me with through the sharing of our lives. I want to be in a loving, stable, respectful relationship with the man who shares my values and dreams. I want to be the best Mom by being available to my children's needs and their interests and their dreams and those they share their lives with. I want to be engaged in a daily strong work ethic that gives satisfaction to both me and the people who I do business with and to have financial freedom and security to be able to do the things that give joy to living - travelling, spending time with the people I love, not being constrained by the need to watch and worry about survival needs and debt. Above all else I want to be able to continue to live with integrity and honesty as to what I am , what I became and the miracle of my second chance at living well.
I want to never forget how easily I can let it all slip away and how hard it is to repair damages once done. I want a long memory and a remembering heart. I want what I want today...sobriety and a life that says thank you.
3/9/2006 The most outrageous thing I've done to my hairThe most outrageous thing I ever did to my hair was go and have it all chopped off at a Barber's Shop when I was in grade 8.
Now you gotta picture this: I had hair down past my waist and this was in the 70s when straight long hair was really in
My mother wouldn't let me get my hair cut and I decided it was my hair and I would get it cut if I wanted to. (I was so stubborn and independent back then!
 Okay...not just back then; still 2 of my faults today:-), but not to the same degree...so there's been some improvement!) Anyways I went to the nearest Barber Shop (because it was the cheapest) and told the guy to cut off all my hair. He objected but I insisted and then I got scared as I started to watch it fall to the floor so I closed my eyes and waited until he told me it was done! When I opened my eyes the right side of my head had been shaved off up past my ear but the guy had decided he was going to do something vogue(!) and he left the other side down to my chin level.
 I hated it but I couldn't let my mother know that. So I went home and watched her almost have a heart attack! She went on for weeks about how I had ruined my beautiful long hair.
 When I went to school, even my teacher didn't know who I was; he said he thought I was a new kid who had just got transferred into the class! Everyone laughed at me and made fun but I acted like I didn't care and ignored them , which gave me a reputation for being "hard-nosed" and not giving a shit!
 (It was a front I worked on many years maintaining, all because I couldn't admit I had made a mistake and get it corrected.)
 It took along time to grow out.
I was punk before punk was cool...the only hippie with a hairstyle 10 years before it's time!  3/7/2006 My Best Trip - Cuba; Where I Want To Travel - Argentina!The best trip I have taken was to Cuba in 1987.
  It was on a work-exchange program and we were sponsored by the University of Havana. We got to stay in a little village about 1/2 hour outside of Havana and got to mingle and live with the citizens; we were definitely not the typical tourists.
 While there we got to visit daycare centres, prisons, see a community meeting in progress; visit 2 very large hospitals as well as help to build a hospital, an apartment building and a workplace (small factory). We got to meet with government officials. We were not allowed to go into the hotels reserved for tourists and go to the tourist beaches; we were there to act and work as honorary citizens. It was a part of their reunification process and it was an amazing experience. It gave me insight into how people feel when they move to Canada and can't speak the language and have to adapt just to get around the city .
And Cuba has the most amazing mangos...so juicy and sweet; they taste like a piece of heaven
   The place I want to visit most is Argentina.
   I would love to expereince the culture, customs, people and countryside of this very beautiful country. It is the first place on my "to see and travel to" list.
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(Ohhhh....I just made myself soooo hungry!)
I've learn to think of gratitude in place of anger, malice and revenge. Gratitude has become the single thought I substitute for my insane perceptions. Gratitude goes hand in hand with love, and where one is the other must be found. For gratitude is but an aspect of love. 
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